My grandpa was a great man. Funny, artistic, loving. But man, his landscaping sucked.
Laura and I spent the past two years viciously hating the prickly, thorny plants that covered every flower bed and corner of our yard. If a plant has the ability to maim your flesh, my grandpa had it growing here. Even the weeds that grow are spiky and require 4 mil rubber gloves to pull, else one finds their spongy digits injected by the poisonous juices of maleficent garden treachery.
And that’s itchy.
Along with wanting every growing thing removed and destroyed, we’ve wanted a fence to contain our massively adorable little pooches so they can run and frolic in the sunshine with all the joy and spirit their beastly little hearts deserve. The property always had a fence along the back and a short shadowboxed one along the side of the patio, but the one at the rear of the property was rotting and leaning, and there were mad gaps to fill.
I spent the past two months making things happen. Like some kind of man. MAN WHO BUILT THE EIFFEL TOWER OUT OF METAL. AND BRAWN. I’ve been sore for two straight months and already have the darkest tan of my life. So you know, I’m about the color of a regular person in the winter.
I bought chainsaws. I bought screwdrivers and drill bits and tools. My father in law loaned us other saws, impact drivers, screws, a post digger and lots of other manly hardware things. I learned what all these items do and all the various ways I can hurt myself with them.
The pine trees on the sides of the yard were removed professionally, but that’s the only thing someone else was paid to do. Because although I’m allergic to basically everything, pine is a special kind of suck and it beats me with reeds, spits on my face, and tells me everyone hates me. All before giving me a wedgie and changing my desktop background to an old photo of Dustin Diamond. Plus I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do with eight 15’ pine trees if I cut them down myself.
I’ve been outside during every moment of free time since mid-March, and almost everything is now complete. Since so many people have asked to see what in the world has been keeping me busy, here you go. The only things still left to do are chop off the tops of the fence posts, seal the new fencing and wash the old fence on the side of the patio so it doesn’t look as dramatically grey compared to the new one. And plant some grass, of course.
Basically a lot of things like this
Became things like this
There aren’t as many ‘before’ pics as there are ‘after’ pics because I forgot, but there’s enough to tell the drastic difference. Since WordPress won’t let me use iframes, you have to click links and peep galleries:
This is a thing for clicking
Fire pit stone platform built
Wall built around tree & rose bushes in corner of old fence
Moldy patio carpets ripped up, all 3 patios painted
New grill and patio furniture acquired
Old fence along the back torn down
Privacy fence built around the back
Picket fence built around the driveway
Flower box rebuilt at end of driveway
Flower beds gutted and replanted
All flowers planted, all beds mulched
Brick edging around back flower beds, wood picket edging in front
Garden gutted and replanted, fenced in with plastic fencing
Cut up old fence, flatten & displace dirt piles where bushes were
Turns out I’m handier than we thought. I’m pretty proud of all the above. Plus, now we don’t have to watch the obese rednecks behind us burn pieces of their above-ground pool in their fire pit as they sit on living room furniture they keep outside.