So I’m a rapper now. Hear me out.
About 2.5 years ago, our friend Wil Wheaton (you know him from television and the Internet) was writing a book called Memories of the Future. To promote this delightful little collection of personal memories and super nerdy jokes, he recorded a series of podcasts titled “Memories of the Futurecast.” They were a jumble of readings, miscellaneous rantings and a bunch of uninhibited, unedited nonsense from Wil’s brain that made for very enjoyable listening experiences. I still revisit them once every few months in order to keep my wit sharp and my pronunciation of “k’lap” in check. I suggest you do the same.
The book and podcasts chronicled Wil’s experiences with the first 13 episodes of Season 1 of The Next Generation. The final episode discussed is Datalore, the classic tale of the Enterprise crew making a stop on Data’s home planet of Omichron Theta. This is the episode, in summary:
Learn the planet is completely destroyed, spend 5 seconds discovering the cave where Data was built, find parts to another android inside, take it home and build it, learn it’s Data’s “brother” Lore, learn he’s kinda funky (not Kirk Cameron’s shirts funky, the other kind), get attacked by a crystalline entity, learn the entity is also what destroyed the planet, watch Lore act completely devious and ignore it, have a discussion about contractions, suggest beaming a large tree into outer space, tell Wesley to shut up, learn Lore is a douche, tell Wesley to shut up, almost kill Wesley, learn Lore is in charge of the crystalline entity and is responsible for the destruction of Omichron Theta, throw him into space, watch the crystal entity go away, compliment Wesley.
Pretty dumb, right? Right. That was a also a terrible summary. If you really don’t know about the episode and really care to find out, try this instead. The rest of this is extra silly without this knowledge.
So… in Wil’s introduction to this episode in the podcast, he said the following: (0:30)
Really? Wil Wheaton has no skills in rapping? The innovator of Shellfishcore Hip Hop thinks he can’t drop phat rhymes? That made me sad. Especially because it was such an obviously genius idea. A super-intense nerd rap about a fairly bad episode of Star Trek from early 1988? How can that NOT exist?
So you know where this is going. I’m a rapper now. Just call me MC Tasty, sit back, and enjoy me doing what Wil Wheaton didn’t have the balls to do two years ago. (3:07)
Please note a few things when listening to this song:
- I have no idea what I’m doing.
- My wife’s response to this was looking at me with a sideways stare and saying “Why?”
- This is the first time my voice has ever been publicized doing something “musical.”
- I have no audio equipment or real skills. Given that this was recorded with an $11 USB microphone and edited with Audacity, I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.
- This is not intended for any commercial benefit and the audio clips are copyright their originators.
- Props to DjGadget for originating the beat.