By Jeffrey James

Uffish Thoughts

Words arranged in horizontal lines.
Released 10/17/19

Essays, insight, and stories about living life, finding peace, and being an oddball. And probably too much stuff about my Johnson.

“If Rachel Hollis were a guy with an irrational hatred of lawn mowing and a penchant for telling heartwarming stories that somehow include mention of genitals, this would be the book she would write.”

-Jeffrey James

 

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Jeffrey James

Jeffrey James Saporito was pulled into existence on a warm summer morning in 1985. Quickly adopted and raised by charming humans, he spent his formative years in the suburbs of Pittsburgh. Somewhere in his garage is his bachelor’s of science degree in Communications, Media & Technology from La Roche College.

He now resides far from his childhood home; six, maybe even seven miles west of there, accompanied by his wife Laura, twins Dexter and Sadie, and daughter Phoebe, a.k.a. “Oh look, you’re pregnant again.”

He has a toy poodle and a miniature schnauzer, drinks a gallon of water every day, and loves coffee.

New on The James Blog:

Advocate Personality: INFJ-T

by | September 8, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

For the past 11 years, I've been receiving advertising emails from a pizza shop located 975 miles from my house. I don't even really notice the emails anymore; when they hit my inbox, I delete them without opening. Being that I live south of Pittsburgh, it's irrelevant to me what pizza specials are running at a local chain in Kissimmee, Florida. But I won't unsubscribe. Each time I delete one of those emails, an 11 year-old memory flickers into the back of my subconscious, triggering the...
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Why Do I Keep Looking at Facebook?

by | July 1, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

The great American writer Kurt Vonnegut, famous for such novels as Slaughterhouse Five and Cat's Cradle, coined his own Neo-religious language in the latter book, which has now thrived for nearly six decades. Bokononism, the religion is called, speaks of the karass, or the sum of an individual's personal relationships; and it warns of the granfalloon, or any artificial association designed to bring people together under a proud yet meaningless umbrella of connectivity. Vonnegut didn't live...
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5,000 Days

by | June 14, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

What feels like a thousand years ago, I was sitting in a college classroom, listening to my professor talk about some crazy platform called Second Life. "It's a new virtual world," he explained, "where everything is made by its users. Like a game, but not a game. Companies have started using it. Schools are there. Reuters has a news division in the world. Depeche Mode has put on a concert. There is real potential for it to be something big," he told us. That was all the motivation I needed to...
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In With the Old: White Teeth by Zadie Smith

by | April 13, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

Zadie Smith published White Teeth at the age of 24, having received a £250,000 advance and the title of "the new Salman Rushdie" from her publisher. The book is 400+ pages of delightful prose, pushed by a kinetic energy that is sleek and modern and fluid. Its story is not a complicated one, nor are most of its dozens of characters. Smith's brilliance lies in her ability to add dimensions to people who, for the most part, aren't that interesting. The artistry of her language keeps the pages...
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In With The Old: Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson

by | April 11, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

In the fall of 2006, I was a junior in college. My communications professor mentioned something about a virtual world called Second Life. He described it as this odd, rapidly-evolving, user-driven experiential environment where people could create and do anything. Bands like Depeche Mode were using it to conduct virtual concerts. Companies, from Boeing to Reuters to IBM, were building virtual presences and hiring staff to work exclusively in the online world. It was the beginning of a new age...
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New Thing Today – 3/5/20

by | March 5, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

Honestly, what happened to February? I swear. I was inspired to become a substitute teacher for three main reasons:1. Last fall, I realized I really wanted to be a teacher. But after looking into what it would take to become one at this point in my life, I decided it wasn't feasible. I would be looking at $20k-30k in debt for a Master's Degree, at least 2 years of time, and in the end, I may not find a job. There is still a national teacher shortage, but in the area where I live, it's not...
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In With The Old: Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

by | February 20, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

What makes a person superior? Above-average intellect? Boundless kindness? Wealth and connections? The capacity to love and empathize? Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes suggests it is all of those things, and none by itself. The story focuses on Charlie, a mentally disabled young man whose IQ is in the 60s. He's unable to view the world the way normal people do. He is incapable of forming authentic friendships or relationships with others thanks to his lack of intelligence, his inability to...
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A Cup of Memories

by | February 12, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

I'm not one for regretting the past. Each point in a person's life can be defined as the sum of every moment which came before. As such, every moment matters, for better or worse. While I may view life's history without regret, that doesn't mean it has evolved without its share of disappointments. One of the greatest bummers of my life is that my grandparents never got to meet my kids. All four of my grandparents were wonderfully loving people. My dad's parents were the set with whom I never...
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In With The Old: Let Me In by John Ajvide Lindqvist

by | February 7, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

Fans of horror movies know the Swedish vampire flick "Let The Right One In" generally finds itself among most credible "best horror movies of all time" lists. Its American counterpart, "Let Me In," which shares its title with the source novel, also stands in fairly high regard. It's rare for both a native-language film adaptation (in this case, Swedish) and an American remake of a foreign horror story to share critical renown, but such is the case with both films based on John Ajvide...
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canon mcmillan high school atrium

New Thing Today: 1/28/20 – Crowded Halls

by | January 29, 2020 | The James Blog | 0 Comments

Today I walked the halls of a high school for the first time in almost 17 years. Basically half my life has passed since I last had the chance. Turns out it's not one of those things that still feels natural after time has gone by. It's not like riding a bike. It felt weird. The halls were crowded, busy. Alive. Granted, it's a high school with nearly 2,000 students, much bigger than the one I attended. And it doesn't help that I'm small and at least half the students were bigger than me,...
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